i’m just so sick and fucking tired of people’s bullshit. it’s entirely too rare the person who tells you like it is, how they feel, not what they think you want to hear. i’m guilty of doing it, i try to fit, say the right thing, but when it comes down to it, i don’t candy shit up for people. if i want something i say so, if you want something say so.
fucking bullshit assholes who don’t have the goddamned courage to just ask for something, or simply say “that’s what i want” aggravate me to no end!!!!!
“no, really whatever is fine” NO IT AIN’T, YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR, DO YOU WANT THE SANDWICH OR NOT??
fuckit.
seems like everytime i go on a job hunt, i go though the same mixed bag of emotions, self-doubt, and a re-evaluation of what i really want to be doing with my life. i’ve been working strictly as a contractor for the past five or six years and so i no longer have the fear of that.
however, i see from time-to-time good opportunities for full-time w2 gigs that tantalize, but i always have this strong aversion to signing on at any one company.
on the other hand, i do tire of forever being the outsider. to wit, after six months on my current gig, i feel more isolated than when i started. the full-timers can’t help but see me as an outsider and i can’t really fault them for leaving me out of things.
i dunno, i’m such a jumbled mess.
now add into the mix that in six short weeks, my wife and i are going to have our second child, for whom we are nowhere near ready and the fact that the holidays are fast approaching, and you can see why i might be bit scrambled-up in the head.
i’m a wreck.